i have a student who feels free and easy for a while but then falls back into a familiar mental trap.
the worst part? the only person who could be tripping him up is himself.
but this is common among mindfulness practitioners. i certainly had my fair share of this nasty âfeedback loopâ.
itâs as if our conditioningâthe way we were trained to think and behaveâhas its own kind of gravity.
this student of mine is free from his old tendencies of anxiety and doubt for a whileâŚ
but then he falls right back into the black hole.
and when this happens, to him it seems as if he forgets how to practice mindfulness altogether.
nothing he does âworksâ to bring him relief.
heâs completely stuckâŚ
or so he thinks.
and as if this werenât bad enough, thereâs another sinister ingredient in playâone iâve written on beforeâŚ
âthe predicament of the 21st-century spiritual practitioner.â
âŚwhich is that there are so many different wisdom teachings and practices available that itâs hard to know which will get us out of our misery.
this particular student has managed to whittle his selection down to just two teachersâmyself and one other.
this other teacher and i are good friends. weâve spent a lot of time advising students together, in fact.
as we see it, weâre in perfect agreement.
but as this student sees it, there are differences in our teachings.
these perceived differences are due to another sinister trap from which none of us ever escape: language.
the trap of language
every wisdom teacher has their own way of attempting to express the inexpressible.
to this student whoâs determined to find THE way to understand and practiceâthe ONE way that will finally lift him out of his miseryâthis presents a huge problem.
because as long as he looks for differences between teachings, heâll find them.
i spend a lot of time encouraging this student to come back to simplicity; to the fundamentals.
Michael Jordan was always practising his standing shot.
Mohammed Ali was always practising his jab.
mindfulness students will do well to always practice accepting âwhat isâ right now. this is opposite to engaging in in intellectual speculation about which specific method they should be doing.
so i got thinking: âwhatâs the simplest way i can express the fundamentals of mindfulness (or even âspiritual practiceâ as a whole) to this student?â
i came up with this...
the âspiritual practiceâ flowchart
itâs said the buddha addressed a large assembly of monks with an important statement:
âi teach only dissatisfaction and the end of dissatisfaction.â
the buddha spoke an ancient language called pali.
words in this language tend to have many valid translations in english.
we donât tend to see or hear the word âdissatisfactionâ much though. not even when we go deep into religious buddhist teachings.
the pali word the buddha used, âdukkha,â is more often translated to âsufferingâ.
but thereâs a problem with that more common translation: the word âsufferingâ is too close to the word âpainâ.
this is a problem because, relatively speaking, pain is unavoidable.
e.g. when you stub your toe itâs gonna hurt.
when you lose a beloved family member youâre going to have a natural grief response.
but whether youâre dissatisfied about these things is a choice.
dissatisfaction is an interpretive mental process which can either run or not run.
and this is fantastic news!
the flowchart explained
the easiest way to explain how this flowchart works is to walk you through it experientially.
in the first box youâre dissatisfied with somethingâanything.
pick a real example from your day, eg:
- your computer crashed
- you were stuck in traffic
- your boss made an unreasonable demand
- your kid did something awful at school
now you have a choice:
- accept it as it is
- wish it were different
if you picked number 1, congratulations: youâre good! in this case, unless and until youâre curious about the deeper nature of reality, you have no need for spiritual practice.
but if youâre like most people then in the moment you picked number 2.
itâs okay, you were trained to pick number 2 since before you were forming memories.
note that by the time these things occur (your computer crash, the traffic, your bossâs unreasonable demand) thereâs nothing you can do to change them.
yet still you wish they were different.
you feel they should be different; that youâve been wronged somehow; that you deserve for them to be different.
and so you move into the next box, where you continue to be dissatisfied.
most people spend their entire lives looping between this box and the previous.
wishing their circumstances were different â being dissatisfied â wishing their circumstances were different â still being dissatisfied.
this is the first feedback loop people get stuck in. and itâs miserable indeed.
of course good things happen to people tooâŚ
but it might surprise you to hear that sometimes those are dissatisfying as well!
because when something is good, you tend to want it to stay.
but it wonât.
not forever.
perhaps not for long at all.
so for those who havenât explored genuine spiritual practice, the trap of dissatisfaction lurks everywhere.
now, if youâre wise youâll have noticed this pattern. and it will have been your motivation for trying some kind of practice.
genuine spiritual practices are about at dissolving dissatisfaction by accepting the sensations of which itâs made.
so you wish your boss were different.
the next step on the flowchart, if you desire freedom, is to look directly at the cocktail of sensation that makes up your dissatisfaction⌠and accept ALL THAT as it is.
it really is just a bunch of sensations.
dissatisfaction (or suffering) is only a label you apply to those sensations.
so if you canât let your boss be as they areâŚ
can you at least let your feelings about your boss be as they are?
if youâre ever going to accept your boss, youâre going to have to accept your feelings about them. and these feelings wonât dissolve while you wrestle with them.
now, if you can accept your feelings hereâdeeplyâthen they dissolve and voila! youâre good!
but many practitioners get stuck in the 2nd feedback loop here.
the student of mine i mentioned at the beginning of this letter struggles here most of all.
- he sees his dissatisfactionâŚ
- he accepts the sensations that make up that dissatisfactionâŚ
- he experiences a degree of reliefâŚ
- he gets dissatisfied again!
the loop that appears here is commonly known as âspiritual practiceâ.
and if you're not okay it's the best place for you.
âbut wait dan, am i supposed to let people take advantage of me?â
no, i donât recommend letting people take advantage of you. itâs not good for them.
âaccepting everything as it isâ doesnât mean you let that unreasonable boss have you working till 10pm every night.
actually, accepting your boss for the unreasonable individual they may be enables you to handle them better.
- in comes the unreasonable demandâŚ
- you were expecting it anyway so you donât get reactive.
- now you have space to act from wisdom and discernment instead of emotion.
to paraphrase the great Ram Dass:
treat people like trees.
when you go to the forest you donât wish one tree was less crooked and another had greener leaves.
but when it comes to people,
you think they should be different.
thing is, people are just expressions of natureâthe same as trees are.
you donât have to do business with a âliar treeâ or a âcheater treeâ, but donât put them out of your heart.
how to get out of the feedback loops
MISERY
if youâre trapped in one of the loops iâve illustrated youâre likely aware of it by now.
but how do you get free?
to get out of misery, simply start practising mindfulness.
hereâs the basic practice i recommend:
if you don't yet have a practice, print this graphic and put it somewhere you'll see it every day.
or set it as your wallpaper.
or both.
mindfulness is largely about observing your thoughts, feelings and sensations.
when you observe them, you stop being anxious and instead notice the appearance of anxiety.
this doesnât sound like much but believe meâitâs everything.
donât worry if you donât notice much difference when you begin this practice.
experiment, explore, and ask me questions on âtwitterâ or âinstagramâ.
â
âSPIRITUAL PRACTICEâ
itâs time to explain why i put this phrase âspiritual practiceâ in quotes.
i do so because itâs nonsense, really.
itâs just a made-up label like any other.
and by giving this label to what is essentially just realizing natural wellbeing, we limit it.
see, a lot of people donât consider themselves âspiritualâ, but everything iâve written in this letter is still about them.
itâs about everyone.
but how can that be the case?
surely we each get to opt in or out?
nope.
everyone is somewhere on that flowchart (whether they know it or not).
but categorizing is convenient for communication, so we use the term âspiritual practiceâ.
this includes all methods concerned with breaking that feedback loop of dissatisfaction.
mindfulness is the simplest of these.
but of course there are formal meditation techniques in their varying complexity.
but if any of these are to work they must be done with the aim of accepting each moment of your life just as it is.
good news: itâs only when you interpret or judge things that you become dissatisfied.
so ultimately all you have to do to break the cycle of dissatisfaction in any moment is stop doing anything at all.
in other words, chill out, let go, quiet down.
if dissatisfaction arises again, accept.
if it arises again, accept.
if it arises again, accept.
but this seems difficult at firstâŚ
which is why the buddha is said to have given 84,000 elaborations on that simple teaching of dissatisfaction and the end of dissatisfaction.
he said the same thing in 84,000 different waysâŚ
all to convince people to finally chill the fuck out.
so why do you need âspiritual practiceâ?
i know some things seem impossible to accept.
i remember that feeling.
i spent a lot of time telling my first teacher that what he was recommending was nonsense; that it couldnât be done.
but really, i knew he was talking the most sense iâd ever heard.
so i kept going back.
and as i did, and as i continued my practice between our sessions, i accepted more and more.
things got easier.
there was less dissatisfaction...
and lessâŚ
and less.
when i brought my many other teachers into the mix, things got really good.
and this is absolutely possible for you my friend.
đ¸if youâve found that the good feelings you enjoy in meditation fade after you finish your sessionâŚ
đ¸if youâve tried different meditation techniques but canât tell if youâre doing them correctlyâŚ
đ¸if youâve felt lost in an infinite library of competing teachings and philosophies, each claiming to hold the ultimate truthâŚ
đ¸if youâve tried to be disciplined in your meditation practice but canât stay consistentâŚ
đ¸if youâve hung out in spirituality communities but theyâre more of a hindrance than a helpâŚ
đ¸if youâve had ups and downs in your meditation practice but canât figure out what makes the differenceâŚ
đ¸if youâve wished there were a single path to follow that guaranteed your lasting wellbeingâŚ
đ¸if youâve started to feel disillusioned with worldly life, but have yet to unlock the spiritual happiness thatâs supposed to fill the voidâŚ
đ¸if youâve worried that true wellbeing might be impossible for youâŚ
âspiritual practiceâ will turn all this around.
if youâre just getting started, i recommend checking out my â85 free talks and guided meditations.â
but if you want to get serious then you'll benefit from my course, MINDFULÂ 24/7.
it'll teach you how to establish:
đšunshakeable confidence in a new method for making wellbeing your default mode
đšcrystal-clear clarity on the common truth to which all wisdom teachings point
đšfreedom and relief from the drudgery of discipline
đšunwavering trust in tourself to assess and refine your practice based on evidence
đšrock-solid courage to overcome your lifeâs challenges
đšgenuine, lasting happiness, free from stress, anxiety, worry or guilt
đšthe certainty of consistent peak mental performance to apply to all areas of your life
this is the beautiful destination to which âspiritual practiceâ leads.
if youâd like to guarantee those same results for yourself, click here.
to hear from previous students, âclick here.â
and to learn more about the course structure, âclick here.â
got questions? dm me on âXâ or âinstagramâ.
win/win for the win,
dg đ
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