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Social media makes people feel inadequate.
And weâre beginning to realize that this is a feature of these apps⊠and how terribly unhealthy that is.
Because hereâs the problem:
Thereâll always be more things youâre bad at than things youâre good at.
Pre-internet, no-one had to face this reality often.
If you were around in 1200 A.D. England, there wouldâve been the King, the Queen and their council to look up to. These were the only celebrities.
Youâd have seen them very rarely. And when you did, it wouldâve felt like they were from another reality.
But on social media, all you have to do to is flick your thumb to see:
- The best DJ
- The best artist
- The best singer
- The best writer
- The best model
- The best speaker
- The best bodybuilder
And their posts are in the same format as yours. (But they have way more likes.)
The best of everything is just a scroll away.
So how do you fight this sense of inadequacy?
How do you even approach the level you need to be at to compete with these people?
What Everyone Gets Wrong About Self-Help
Firstly, the âselfâ everyoneâs trying to help doesnât exist.
If youâve never heard any spiritual teachings this will sound crazy to you, but stay with meâŠ
What youâre referring to when you say the word âmeâ is a mental image.
You have a concept of yourself, and you think thatâs who you really are.
So what happens when someone gets hit on the head by a falling coconut then wakes up with no memories?
Have they stopped being âthemâ?
Well, it depends what you take to be âthemâ.
If you take âthemâ to be their body then theyâre still âthemâ. (Perhaps theyâre even more âthemâ now that they have a big lump on their head.)
But if an old friend texted them to ask about some shared experience, that old friend might doubt that it was really âthemâ on the other end of the phone.
All this is to say that âyouâ are not so easily defined as youâve been led to believe.
So Who The Hell Are You?
Most people have had this particular spooky experience while looking in the mirror:
âI feel Iâm the same âmeâ looking out from behind my eyes as I was when I was a kid.â
âMy face has changedâŠâ
âMy thoughts have changedâŠâ
âEverything about me has changed⊠yet I feel the sameâŠâ
Spoiler; you are the same âyouâ, but that âyouâ isnât looking out from behind your eyes.
The âyouâ youâve always been is nothing but awareness.
Because awareness is the only common ingredient in all your experiences.
Sensations come and go.
Thoughts come and go.
Feelings come and go.
But awareness remains.
So what does this mean with regard to self-improvement?
âOriginal Sinâ is Just Superstition
Almost all self-improvement efforts come from people thinking theyâre broken and so must fix themselves.
This is bullsh!t.
YOU ARE NOT your anxious mind, nor your uncontrolled emotions, nor your fat body (just kidding, I donât know if youâre fat.)
You are the observer of these things.
And this changes everything.
Now, rather than feeling youâre broken and taking your flaws personallyâŠ
Instead itâs like youâre playing a video game⊠and what you used to think of as âyouâ is just the character youâre controlling.
Now you can acknowledge the characterâs desire to eat Doritosâand all the sensations that come with thatâand just eat broccoli instead.
The Self-Help Cheat Code
Youâre probably thinking âDan, I wish it were that easy.â
Hereâs the thing: it actually is that easy. But this is what stumps everyone. Everyone thinks resisting temptation is hard for one reason only: they donât want to experience the feelings that occur when they try. But if you acknowledge those feelings as only belonging to your character, now you can just let them be there. No big deal.
That is the self-help cheat code.
Tim S. Grover, coach to Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant and Dwyane Wade, said it this way:
âGet comfortable being uncomfortable.â
Even if this sounds far-fetched to you right nowâŠ
Even if youâre thinking âit canât be that simpleâŠâ
Even if youâre thinking âit could never work for little old meâŠâ
Can you acknowledge how f„cking powerful it would be if you were comfortable being uncomfortable?
Imagine the things youâd be able to do:
- Work longer
- Work out longer
- Ask for a raise
- Eat better
- Sleep less
- Quit your job and follow your passion
- Have that difficult conversation with your partner
Iâm sure you can add at least 3 more points to that already-powerful list that are relevant to your own life.
But hereâs the best thing about the self-help cheat codeâŠ
You get to level up faster than anyone else.
The Self-Help Quadrangle
Now, if youâre thinking âmoney isnât a part of the self,â I refer you back to the chapters above, where I demonstrated that the idea of a self is really quite flexible.
Donât think too hard on thisâweâre moving into the practical part of this article now.
But before we do, let me demonstrate my own self-improvement journey with the self-improvement quadrangle:
Since my earliest memories I was desperate to understand myself and reality at the deepest level.
Of course, I couldnât have told you that as a 4-year-old boy. But that desperation defined my life. (Iâd have done much better in a Tibetan monastery than I did in school.)
It took me almost 3 decades, but eventually I found the answers I was seeking. This led to my spiritual and mental development being off the chart.
But as you can see, I neglected my body and my finances. In fact, I ruined my body playing drums professionally. And almost no-one pays freelance musicians well.
Since 2015, though, Iâve been repairing my body and Iâm pleased to be back to baseline and in the gym 6 times a week.
And since 2022 Iâve been learning about business and, as you can see on the image above, Iâve managed a couple of level-ups financially.
Of course, none of these four corners of the self-improvement quadrangle are independent of one another.
The idea of doing something solely for money at the cost of my wellbeing always seemed absurd to me.
Now, could I have used money to further my mental and spiritual development? Probably. But I found a way to make it work anyway.
I never thought âIâm going to develop my mind and spirit before anything else.â It happened as naturally as breathing. Thatâs what real curiosity is like. I know school kills that for many of us, but I was fortunate enough to graduate with the fire in my belly still alight.
When I finally came to consider the âworldlyâ side of the chartâlooking at how to generate wealth and get strongâI began to assess my position.
And I ended up feeling great about it for two reasons:
- No-one can ever take my spiritual and mental development away from me
- Mental and spiritual development make physical and financial development a lot easier
So for all the years I spent watching other people buying lamborghinis and big houses⊠For all the years I spent struggling with my body⊠I came to realize that in a way Iâd been exercising a deep kind of impulse control. And that now Iâm perfectly positioned to address those neglected areas.
What Shape Are You?
I suspect as youâve been reading youâve been considering what shape your quadrangle might be.
Donât think too hard on it. Just trust your gut. Itâs almost certainly correct.
In fact, if you look down at your gut right now itâll tell you exactly where youâre at with your physical development!
And your bank balance will tell you where youâre at financially.
Mental and spiritual development are trickier to assess, but it can be done. Thereâs a lot of overlap here, so weâll tackle both together. (Of course thereâs nuance but we can only do so much in an article.)
Follow these steps to figure out how youâre doing:
- Start a fresh note
- Rank yourself out of 10 on the following qualities:
- Happiness
- Focus
- Persistence
- Conscientiousness
- Compassion
- Intelligence
- Problem-solving
- Decision-making
- Wisdom
- Discernment
- Openness
- Clarity
- Communication
- Confidence
- Generosity
- Add up your score
If you scored 150, congratulations! Youâre incredibly well-developed mentally and spiritually. The closer to 0 you are, the more work you have yet to do.
But donât worryâthis work is the best work youâll ever do. Yes, itâll require energy, but the return on investment is insane. I mean, just imagine what your life would be like if you scored a 10 on all these qualities? And imagine how easy itâd be to develop your finances and your body from that place.
Itâs worth it.
If you need help with your spiritual/mental development, Iâm your guy.
If you need help with your financial development and you want to start a one-person, passion-based internet business, I might be your guy.
If you want to be the next Mr. Olympia, I'm not your guy.
But if you want a basic workout and nutrition program within a holistic protocol for self-improvement, I'm definitely your guy.
To talk about how I can help you specifically, click here to tell me about your goals and Iâll get back to you within 24 hours.
Win/win for the win,
dg <3
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