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stop killing your better self
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Click here to read the web version of this post—your email provider may cut it off before the end (it’s a beast, but worth the read—I promise). 80% of new year’s resolutions fail by the 2nd week of February.¹ The reason is simple: they’re delusional. Everyone thinks they want a 6-pack… What they really want is the appearance of a 6-pack. Because a 6-pack, in reality, is not just looking good on the beach. It’s set after set after set of:
But we humans are incredibly skilled at cutting reality into pieces in our minds, then desiring one part without the other. A 6-pack is a package deal: months of sweat, months of pain, then—eventually—good looks. And the truth is that very few people actually want this. If they did, they’d all have 6-packs. It’s that simple. So what’s really going on is that everyone wants to want a 6-pack. And on new year’s eve they fool themselves that they actually want it just enough to join all the other “january gym members”. Then once everyone collectively forgets that tired mantra of “new year new me,” they all make another silent agreement to sacrifice their goals for comfort. Every year. Like clockwork. The problem is that most goals exist at the level of thinking only—because no-one is taught how to do the inner work of identifying what they want in their gut. And even when someone does explore meditation or therapy or journalling to look inside themselves, they struggle with it because don’t like what they see. I know because I was one of those people. I Spent 20 Years Lying to MyselfMy teenage dream was to become the best drummer in the world. I got pretty good. But in my mid-twenties I had a crisis. “What’s my contribution to humanity?” I wondered. “I’m not a doctor, a firefighter, a charity worker…” “I just bash my drums as fast as I can hoping to impress people.” And that really was the root motivation for my entire career up to that point. I wanted to impress people—I wanted to prove I was worth something. Because really, I didn’t feel I was worth anything. So I’d spent 15 years locked away in stuffy, dark rooms playing the same beats over and over and over until I perfected them.
Until at the age of 29 I was in chronic pain, desperately stressed and completely broke. I’d tried everything to distract myself, but in the end I had to admit that two decades of painful hard work had gotten me worse than nothing. So, finally, I got help. And one of the kinds of help I got was a $21,139 personal development course I couldn’t afford. And on that course, we studied a book that would change my life: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. What Do You Really Want?In his book, Stephen encourages readers to deeply examine the question, “what do you want?” I found this question impossible to answer. No matter what I wrote down or thought up, it seemed completely empty to me. Like I could’ve written the exact opposite answer down in the next moment and that would’ve been equally valid. “I’m f¥cked.” I thought, “am I ever going to feel a sense of purpose again?” This went on for a full YEAR. Only after that much contemplation, meditation, journalling, and discussion with mentors did I find another way to approach the question. “What if,” I wondered, “instead of trying to answer this question like it were on an exam paper—with my thinking mind—what if instead I looked at my behaviour to see what that tells me about what I want?” As soon as I did this the answer to that big question became crystal-clear. “I want to understand myself and reality at the deepest level so I can end the dissatisfaction I’ve felt since I was a little boy.” It immediately struck me as odd that I’d never once considered this as a possible answer. But then it became obvious why that was: my culture gave ZERO importance to inner work. Self-help might be popular now but I never even heard of it until I was approaching 30. So you can imagine how far off the radar spiritual awakening was! That was for the Asians and the hippies as far as my culture was concerned. There was no way it could ever be my life’s purpose. But it was. Whether I liked it or not… It was. A New LifeOnce I accepted this, I began a 5-year transition out of my old career—based on impressing people—to the career I’m in now, based on helping people. First I got myself right: using a synthesis of mindfulness and self-help I dissolved my emotional baggage so I had both hands free to help others with theirs… Then I put my mind to doing exactly that. Where many spiritual teachings present that deep, unshakeable satisfaction as the end of the road, I experienced it as the true beginning. Because once I established my great mission of normalizing wellbeing for 1 billion and 1 people, I realized that I’d need a lot of new skills:
I could’ve disappeared off into the sunset and lived a simple, happy, quiet life. But who was that good for? It was only good for me—and I’m just 1 out of 8 billion. So I turned around and re-entered the world. I decided to prove it’s possible to live that simple, happy life not only in solitude but out in the busy digital marketplace. Other people make their impact through relentless grind and harsh self-discipline. I’m achieving it through deep alignment with natural forces, wisdom and virtues. And, of course, I still get to enjoy all the worldly benefits others do (like earning $10K a month as a starting point). It no longer has to be spiritual realization OR worldly success. In 2024 we can have both. And in this post I’m going to show you exactly how. But first I have to tell you where everyone else goes wrong… ~ Are you short on time? If so, you might want to skip to the bottom of this post. I’m launching a new coaching program and it’s the most affordable offer I’ve ever made. Scroll to the bottom for details, or just send me the word “BUDDHA” in an email (or in a DM on X or Insta). ~ The Big 12 Problems Self-Helpers Are Trying to BeatEveryone falls into an unavoidable trap when they first try to better themselves: They approach the task like they approach everything else in their life. They used to struggle with low self-worth because they didn’t earn enough money. Now they struggle with low self-worth because they don’t get up early enough to complete their perfect morning routine. They used to desire sex. Now they desire perfect productivity. They used to strive for a promotion. Now they strive for enlightenment. This problem is almost impossible to tackle in a self-help book or podcast (which is where everyone starts). And besides, almost no-one even applies what they learn. The Number One Problem With Self-Help BooksIn 1983, University of Washington Psychology professor Robert Kohlenberg published a book called Migraine Relief. What’s special about this book is that the author went on to run tests around it. And he discovered what he calls “the number one problem with self-help books”. Only 20% of study participants read the entire book, and only 2 to 4 percent followed the book’s recommendations. The problem here is the same as with the new year’s resolutions: Everyone thinks they want the result a self-help book promises. But they don’t want to do what’s necessary to get it. Which means they don’t really want it. They just want the author to wave a magic wand. (And to be fair, the marketing teams behind these books make it sound like that’s exactly what’s on offer.) This puts us, as a species, in a desperate spot: If even the people who buy self-help books can’t help themselves, how the f¥ck is anyone else going to solve their problems?! And the problems, of course, are pretty nasty in 2024… The 12 Big Problems Self-Helpers Are Trying to Beat1. Unmet Goals & Lack of Progress63% of memberships go completely unused. And 82% of members turn up less than once per week.³ We’ve gone soft. We’ve created a society in which it’s okay to say you’re going to do something and not follow through. The most likely thing you hear when you fail at a goal is “aww, it’s okay.” But then you have to go home and be alone with the fact that you never chose an average life—you’re just putting up with it because you:
…Or both. And I’m not just talking about worldly goals here. Most people dabble in meditation, decide it’s too uncomfortable and quit. They don’t realize that discomfort is the whole f¥cking point! You’re there to stare down that discomfort and learn to accept it. Only then will you be beyond it. But life in 2024 is WAY too good at comforting you with endless… 2. Overstimulation & Digital DistractionA study by Martin Korte, PhD, found that “heavy digital media multitaskers show poorer memory function, increased impulsivity, less empathy, and a higher amount of anxiety.”² If you’ve ever “doomscrolled” you know how difficult it is to get up and do something productive afterwards. Over $50 BILLION has been spent developing social media algorithms to keep you craving more content. Most people dealing with this issue can’t even focus on a book for 30 seconds, let alone apply the solutions within. (I don’t care who the author is—they’ll NEVER compete with your Instagram feed when it comes to holding your attention.) 3. Bad Habits & AddictionsYears of engaging in overstimulation creates literal changes in your physical brain structure. So where social media, video games and junk food excited you as a teenager, now you need them just to feel like you’re at baseline satisfaction. And this is the scary thing about addiction: The junkie starts taking heroin to feel good. But very quickly they end up taking heroin to not feel bad. Hopefully you’re not suffering with clinical addiction, but if you’re a typical adult in 2024 you are dealing with a selection of lower-level addictions: booze, cigarettes, caffeine, sugar… If you need it in order to feel okay, it’s an addiction. And then of course there’s the bad habits that are all too common:
Most people are dealing with some or all of these because we’ve created an environment where life is comfortable enough regardless. But “comfortable” is not the same as “good”. 4. Mental Clutter & Intrusive ThoughtsAlarm goes off. “I’m still exhausted… What if I can’t manage everything today?” Alarm goes off again. “I can’t face another day of this…” Unhealthy breakfast. “I’ll get a salad for lunch…” Burger for lunch. “My boss can’t possibly be more of a d!ck this afternoon than she was this morning.” “Why am I so slow?” “How is everyone doing so much better than me?” “If I try I’ll just mess up.” Parents and schoolteachers installed these voices in our heads before we had any psychological defense. In 2014 I was hating on myself from the moment I woke to the moment I slept. And sometimes even in my dreams. Hell really is in your own mind. This leads to missed opportunities, lower earnings and a whole lot of settling for less. 5. Overwork & Lack of BoundariesAnd whether you do or not, if you’re an employee you’re building someone else’s dream. If your job is good enough, you may have the time and resources to build your own dream on the side. But is “on the side” good enough, really? People who take on the risk of employing others are highly driven to achieve their dream. So if you’re on their payroll, you’re a cog in their machine. And naturally, they want that machine to run as fast as possible. In other words, if the person who pays your salary can squeeze more out of you, they will.Especially if there are tiers of management between you and them so that they don’t have to look you in the eye when they make unreasonable demands. And the worst part is that no-one ever taught you how to say “no”. How many times in your life have you done something you didn’t want to because you felt you had to? And then how many of those times have you cursed the fact that you said yes? I’ll bet almost every time. Which leads to… 6. Stress & BurnoutWhen you stay in a condition of dissatisfaction too long you end up stressed:
How are you ever going to improve yourself and your situation with all this in the mix? (If you’re feeling hopeless at this point, don’t worry—I’ve got your back. Keep reading…) 7. Lack of FulfillmentMaybe things aren’t so bad for you. Maybe your job is okay. Maybe your life is okay. But are you okay with that? I suspect you know you could be doing better. Maybe a lot better. Or at least you know the thing you’re spending most of your time on (a job or client work or a business you don’t really care about) isn’t aligned with your deepest purpose. Naturally, this leads to feelings of stagnation and dissatisfaction. And “dissatisfaction” is the most accurate translation of the word the Buddha used to describe the fundamental problem he set out to solve (dukkha). ~ We more often hear the word “suffering” than “dissatisfaction” in spiritual teachings. This is a huge problem. The word “suffering” is too close in meaning to the word “pain”. And so millions of truth-seekers think that spiritual practice is about becoming free of pain. They’re chasing their tails. No-one will ever be free of pain. The Buddha was clear about this in the Sallatha Sutta (SN 36.6): “When touched with a feeling of pain, the uninstructed person becomes distraught. So he feels two pains, physical & mental. Just as if someone were to shoot him with an arrow and, right afterward, shoot him with another one. “But the well-instructed disciple, when touched with a feeling of pain, does not become distraught. So he feels one pain: physical, but not mental. Just as if someone were to shoot him with an arrow and, right afterward, did not shoot him with another one, so that he would feel the pain of only one arrow.” ~ 8. Mental Health Issues
We’ve all experienced at least one of these to some degree. But for all the awareness Western culture has gained around these issues over the last 20 years, we’re still yet to implement dependable solutions. Even though the Buddha was teaching them, as he did above, 2500 years ago. We think of Buddhism as a religion because a religion formed around it. But the Buddha never intended this. Buddhism is, quite literally, the earliest form of psychology. It is not superstitious and it doesn’t depend upon faith or belief. It is a system of self-examination, which leads to freedom from dissatisfaction. The religion that formed around Buddhism, tragically, erected a cultural barrier. Now people in the West feel they must take up the identity of a Buddhist to practice Buddhism. This contradicts everything the Buddha taught. So instead we have a pharmaceutical industry worth trillions of dollars, built on treating symptoms of mental illness, while my psychologist wife—who’s dedicated to treating causes—can’t get a working laptop from the NHS. 9. Chronic FatigueI suspect you’ve had at least one period in your life where you’ve felt that no matter what you did you were always tired. If you experience even 2 of the 12 problems listed here on a regular basis, you’re experiencing massive energy drain.
Of course you’re f¥cking tired! But don’t worry—I’ve got your back. The solutions are just a few paragraphs down… 10. Low ProductivityWould it be reasonable to expect anyone to be productive with all these problems and pressures in the mix? Schoolteachers, employers and government officials all think so. When it comes to productivity, our culture’s got it backwards. Since we were small we were all told to sacrifice our wellbeing for results. This might work to get a kid through an exam or an employee through a project, but long term it’s unsustainble. This is why so many of us end up struggling to get through each day, use our evenings and weekends to cope, then repeating this miserable cycle until we f¥cking die. But still, inside that cycle, the mainstream narrative is “get on with it”, “push through”, “keep going.” And the counter-narrative is faulty too: “get a prescription”, “take a duvet day”, “your boss should be canceled”. But there is a middle way (and I’m getting to it, I promise)… 11.Relationship IssuesYour relationships are naturally going to suffer from all of this too. How can you make a contribution to someone else’s life when your own is such a mess? But what are you supposed to do? Be single? That’s scary, right? Everyone will think there’s something wrong with you. And besides, as difficult as your relationship is, it’s got to be better than the crippling loneliness you’d feel if you broke up. So you’d better keep going in your relationship… even though you and your partner are too exhausted to be good to each other. Even though you argue all the time. Even though you know you settled because leveling up to get the partner you really want seems impossible. Due to… 12. Lack of Time & Space For Self-HelpThis is the final nail in your coffin. Given everything above, you don’t have the time nor the energy to work out, prepare healthy food, meditate or even think about how you could make space for these things. When you reach this point you’re officially f¥cked. You’ve fallen so far into victim position that you’re effectively life’s b!tch.
But still, there’s a quiet voice inside, whispering to you every now and then that things could be better. And there’s a faint picture of a better life that shows up in your daydreams every few days… But you know that, at this point, if you’re ever going to get there then you need to do something drastic. Enter Monk Mode: The Solution to All Your Problems (Or Is It?)Around 2015, people started appreciating the danger of the cocktail of modern problems I listed above. At the same time, they sensed there was more opportunity for ordinary people than ever before—if only they could escape all the traps society had laid for them. Eventually, one of them snapped and said “F¥CK THIS.” He quit his job, told his family and friends not to contact him for 30 days, then wrote out a set of strict rules—designed to forcefully pull his life back on track. And so on day 1, the first ever “Monk Mode” began:
Statistically, it’s highly unlikely that the first monk mode participant made it through that full 30 days. Online courses have a completion rate of just 20%, and that’s a course—a program someone else guides you through and holds you accountable to. Sticking to so strict a regimen as monk mode isn’t even possible for 99.9% of people. But that didn’t stop more of them trying. Tens of thousands of desperate individuals tried and failed to complete Monk Mode. And they all thought it was because they sucked. But what if they didn’t? What if Monk Mode itself was the problem? What if Monk Mode was an overcorrection that was doomed to fail everyone from the start? The 5 Big Problems With Monk Mode1. CravingsGoing cold turkey can literally KILL a heroin addict. So what makes us think it’s the best course of action for tackling lower-level addictions? How many times have you known someone to say “I’m done with alcohol/weed/McDonald’s” only to crack and be back at it within a couple of weeks? This is the norm when people try to kick bad habits. But now you wanna try to pull off this Monk Mode sh!t and give up everything all at once? Good f¥cking luck—you’re gonna need it. (And luck is a terrible thing to rely on.) You’re gonna be dealing with so many cravings for so many things that your meditations will just be one long daydream of sex, desserts, and pop tunes you can’t get out of your head. This is not an effective self-help strategy. Good news: there’s a better one. Scroll down if you’re impatient. Stay with me if you want to be thorough. 2. LonelinessA period of “no contact” is one of the defining characteristics of Monk Mode. And this is perhaps its biggest flaw. The idea is that you’ll be far more productive in both your self-help regimen and any work projects you intend to attack during Monk Mode if you cut off all social interaction. But this is only true when your social life is disruptive to your wellbeing and goals. Sadly, this is the case for most people. (Because most people’s social lives involve drinking, drugs, video games, sh!tty food or all the above.) So Monk Moders throw the baby out with the bathwater: they say “my social life is bad, therefore socializing is bad”. Then they end up desperately lonely for the duration of their isolation. And this gets in the way of their growth, just like the cravings do. 3. Burnout“You cannot desire to stop desiring.” - Alan Watts At some point, most spiritual practitioners realize they’ve transferred the problems they had with the world right over to their practice.
And oh boy, isn’t Monk Mode just the kind of thing that would attract an overefforter? If you’re a workaholic self-helper you’re probably frothing at the mouth thinking about how Monk Mode will be different for you, right? How you’ll really crack it by going harder than anyone else? Sorry friend: that’s not the kind of thing the Buddha recommended. And burning out on spiritual practice/self-help is even more dangerous than burning out on worldly pursuits. Because if you associate enough stress and anxiety with your personal growth, you’ll turn your back on it. Then you’re really, really f¥cked. Sadly, most Monk Moders overestimate their ability to maintain high levels of productivity without adequate rest and recuperation. This leads them right back to the same problems they were trying to escape:
Oh dear. 4. “Drinking From the Fire Hose”An old mindfulness student of mine was determined to process all his emotional baggage as quickly as possible. He meditated hours each day, threw himself into challenging situations, and used a lot of psychedelics (not my recommendation, by the way—I’ve nothing against psychedelics but they’re by no means necessary). He ended up exhausted and unable to practice. His desire for awakening was crippling him. It took me a long while to convince him that he was taking on too much. In the end, it was the metaphor of “drinking from the fire hose” that demonstrated to him where he was going wrong. He was so thirsty for enlightenment that he was drowning himself, and thus unable to drink. When he dialled back his intensity, he was able to meditate, investigate, contemplate, and discuss what was going on again. Monk Moders are drinking from the fire hose too. They may meditate as much as people do on organized retreats, forgetting one very important detail: people on retreat are supervised. Further, monks never evenconsider solo retreat until they’readvanced in their practice. Honestly, it blows my mind that retreat centers take beginners even for group programs. Going from typical modern life to 10 days of total silence, zero stimulation and 8 hours of meditation per day very much has that “cold turkey” flavour. All kinds of difficult thoughts and emotions surface during meditation. Bringing too much of those on before you know how to deal with them is unwise. 5. Outcome-FocusFew people who do Monk Mode know the first thing about how monks live and practice. One of the Buddha’s core teachings is that the future simply does not exist, and that to be attached to it being a certain way is, obviously, unwise. This doesn’t mean you can’t set goals. But wishing for arrival while still on the journey makes an impatient traveller. So the Buddha recommended focusing on the path. Today we call this “process-focus”. Now, how long is the typical spiritual journey? How long is the typical self-help journey? It’s a LIFETIME. So what’s an outcome-focused, craving-filled, lonely, stressed, fatigued, overambitious 30-day Monk Mode going to do for you? Especially if it ends early like most of them do? Honestly, the most likely thing it’s going to do is HARM your growth. Associating the wrong kind of stress with your journey will only make you want to turn back. 6. ImpracticalityThe final big problem with Monk Mode is it’s just awkward. Most people can’t afford to quit their job, and I don’t know of many employers who’ll give 30 days off in one stretch. (Especially not for personal development.) So most people have to do some kind of work/Monk Mode hybrid. And in this case it’s impossible to be giving their all to either one. Even if they work a simple job it’s likely to interrupt their Monk Mode regimen one way or another. Like they have to stay late one evening, go in early one morning, cover a sick colleague etc. Then what if a family member falls ill or a neighbour scrapes their car or their boiler breaks down or, or, or… It’s almost as if life in 2024 is designed to keep you from doing Monk Mode. Now, in case all that wasn’t enough to illustrate the shortcomings of Monk Mode, here’s the final nail in the coffin: Monks Just Don’t Live That WayThe average monk spends just 2.5% of his life in isolation, and he’s already advanced in his understanding and practice when he goes into solo retreat. The majority of his life, he’s engaging with his community, maintaining the monastery, giving teachings and hanging out with other monks. Us Westerners tend to romanticize monks. We put them on a pedestal. But I’ve hung out with enough of them to know that they’re just ordinary human beings, just like the rest of us. They just wear the same outfit every day. But Steve Jobs did that, too. So what example are the Monk Moders following, exactly? The Monk Who Walked Till His Feet BledIn the time of the Buddha there was monk named Soṇa. He practiced walking meditation till the soles of his feet were cracked and bleeding. Soṇa reflected that though he had developed persistence in his practice, he still was not enlightened. He became doubtful and considered giving up his training. The Buddha asked Soṇa, “before you became a monk, you played music, correct?” “Yes, Lord,” Soṇa replied. “And when the strings of your instrument were too tight, was your instrument in tune and playable?” “No, Lord.” “And when the strings of your instrument were too loose, was your instrument in tune and playable?” “No, Lord.” “And when the strings of your instrument were neither too tight nor too loose, but right on pitch, was your instrument in tune and playable?” “Yes, Lord.” “In the same way, Soṇa,” the Buddha continued, “too much persistence leads to restlessness, and too little persistence leads to laziness. Thus you should determine the right pitch for your persistence, and there continue your practice.” Soṇa did as the Buddha instructed, and it was not long before he was enlightened. ~ This is one of many teachings the Buddha gave on his core principle of “the middle way”—which today we call “moderation”. In Monk Mode, the strings of your instrument are too tight. You’re out of tune with life. And this is why so few people make it to 30 days. Can you imagine trying to live a lifetime in Monk Mode? But here’s the thing: even with all these problems on the table, the idea of Monk Mode still appeals, doesn’t it? Drawing on ancient wisdom and lifestyle choices to counter the chaos of modern life still appeals, doesn’t it? Living simply with a focus on wellbeing and productivity still appeals, doesn’t it? If you think so, this is all going somewhere you’re going to LOVE. Just one more thing before we get to it… There’s No Such Thing As “Enlightenment Points”When I was on retreat at Wat Suan Mokkh in Thailand, I met another participant who’d been meditating for over 10 years. I asked him what his motivation was for coming on retreat. He said he’d been slacking off in his practice and wanted to “top himself up”. “Is this guy serious?” I thought, “he’s been practising 10 years and he still needs to ‘top himself up?’” I was too inexperienced and too polite to say this to him at the time, but these days I’ll tell anyone sufficiently advanced in their spiritual or psychological practices: if you need to “top up” your self-improvement, you never improved in the first place. There’s not some leaky bucket inside you that you’re trying to fill with enlightenment or self-improvement points. Spiritual practice and self-improvement are about realizing truths that inspire change beyond a point of no return. And that change is subtractive. In other words, it’s about dissolving false beliefs and mental fabrications, which in turn dissolves bad qualities.It’s not about adding good qualities. This can’t be done because the “self”—the ego—who’s being improved doesn’t actually exist! It, too, is itself a mental fabrication! “Self-improvement” is just a turn of phrase. It’s the best we can do with language to express something inexpressible. The truth is that genuine spirituality, self-improvement, or whatever else you want to call it is only ever about removing whatever blocks your natural good qualities. And this cannot be achieved by huffing and puffing, struggling and striving, nor beating yourself over the head with extreme tactics like Monk Mode. This can only be achieved with something sustainable and moderate, which is aligned with the Buddha’s actual principles, but adapted to your actual life. So, finally, here it is… Introducing: Buddha ModeIn 2014 I was helplessly and painfully identified with the material world. I knew no other way to live. I had strong ideas about how things should be. And when they didn’t turn out that way I became angry, depressed or both. I also had strong ideas about how I should be. And when I didn’t turn out that way I became even more angry, depressed or both. I complained endlessly about the unfairness of life:
This was the flavour of the first 30 years of my life. Finally, in 2015, I started finding answers to my problems. I spent hundreds of hours learning from my monk teacher, and my spiritual practice became an obsession. I turned my back on the world and entered something like a prolonged Monk Mode. This period was deeply selfish. It was all about my pain, my existential questions, my awakening. It’s necessary for all practitioners to focus on themselves in the beginning, but I took it too far. I neglected my girlfriend, my family, my students, my colleagues, my housemates, my friends, my finances… I fantasized about becoming a monk and sitting in meditation all day. But I never thought to check with my teacher if that was how monks actually lived. When I visited Thailand in 2018, I discovered that it’s not—they spend almost as much time with a mop and bucket as they do in meditation. I discovered that there was just as much—perhaps even more—of the world I was trying to avoid in the monastery as there was back home. And this experience was the first spark of my reintegration with the world. I continued to deepen my mindfulness practice over the next 3 years and taught several students of my own for free. Finally, I met my wife, a neuropsychologist, and compared notes with her about everything I’d learned and discovered. When I finally felt my teaching was robust enough to take to the public, I started sharing online and “re-entered the marketplace”. I formed a business around my teaching and finally “closed the loop”: I started my journey painfully identified with the world, then I turned my back on it, then I finally came back with the purpose of serving others. And as I continued teaching from this place, I found I could help students cover the ground I had in a much shorter time. Not only did I have the benefit of my own practice and realization, but I had a synthesis of the most powerful wisdom teachings from all cultures, a $21,139 personal development course, and my wife’s academic support. I’ve come to call what I teach… The Buddha Mode ProtocolBuddha Mode is based on 4 core principles of the Buddha’s teaching:
Alignment will always beat the harshness of discipline and the irregularity of motivation. Because no-one can outwork someone who doesn’t feel like they’re working.(This is how I’m able to “work” 4am to 7pm, 7 days a week.) Removal is the only effective strategy for genuine personal growth and spiritual realization. This is because human beings are naturally wise, capable, and beneficial to themselves and others. Harm of self and other only occurs in confusion. Everyone who ever got quiet enough realized that they were good by nature. (This is how I was able to achieve full-blown spiritual awakening in just 5 years.) Balance is what’s missing from Monk Mode. It’s what caused Soṇa’s feet to bleed. And imbalance in the other direction is what causes so many of us in 2024 to be trapped in laziness. We need neither social isolation, nor to be partying every weekend. We need neither obsessive biohacking, nor junk food. We need that Middle Way. (This is how I’m able to maintain perfect nutrition, workouts, relationships and business at the same time.) Compassion is the fuel for all of this. When you work on self-improvement because you want to feel good, because you want to change the world, because you want material wealth, you’re running on dirty fuel. But when you work on self-improvement because others need a leader, because the world needs positive change, because building a successful business is the most effective way to help people in 2024… now you’re unstoppable. (This is how I’m able to keep moving toward my mission of normalizing wellbeing for 1 billion and 1 people, while all around me other entrepreneurs drop off.) We align with those 4 principles by making non-negotiable daily commitments to… The 5 Buddha Mode MandatesA visiting student approached a Zen master and asked, “Master, if I meditate ten hours a day, how long will it take me to get enlightened?” “Ten years,” the master replied. “Ten years?! That’s way too long! What if I practice twelve hours a day?” “Twenty years,” the master replied. ~ If you’ve read this whole monster of a post up to here, you may understand what the master is teaching in this story. But in case you don’t: the master is demonstrating that the student’s impatience will only postpone his growth. The Buddha Mode Mandates represent the 5 areas you must continually nurture—in a balanced, patient way—in order to experience optimal human development. Every instruction I give my students falls under one of these 5 mandates. The variety here is infinite, but I’d like to give you a taste right here, right now, with some practical examples… Buddha Mode Mandate 1: AWARENESSAwareness comes first because it’s how you’ll identify what’s blocking you from excelling in the other Buddha Mode Mandates. The primary way to access that awareness is with mindfulness. Here’s my core technique as a guided practice: The simple act of getting quiet is enough to radically improve yourself and your life in 2024. It’s like a rebellion against the chaos, pressures, and distractions of modern life. If you just experienced your first meditation ever, you may not have enjoyed it much. Nor may you have learned much about yourself. Your mind may have been racing and because of that you may be thinking you failed. You didn’t. But in a world of instant gratification, something that doesn’t give an immediate payoff can feel like a waste of time. I’ll remind you that it was through mindfulness that I dissolved all my emotional baggage and transformed my life into one of consistent peace, joy and clarity. And this can come sooner than you might think—if you trust the process. Buddha Mode Mandate 2: SIMPLICITYJust 30 years ago it was FAR easier to live simply.
To avoid feeling overwhelmed in 2024 you have to make a conscious effort to simplify your life. But the question you must answer to do this is so difficult that few people dare approach it: What matters most to you? And, by extension: What will you sacrifice to prioritize what matters most to you? No-one can do everything that’s asked of them in 2024. So you either learn to say “no”… or live at the mercy of everyone else’s wishes. Of course, no-one ever taught you how to say “no”. So I’m going to—by guiding you through these steps:
Congratulations! You just prioritized—and took 1 step toward that better version of yourself, who survived the Reaper. This is something very few people ever do. Buddha Mode Mandate 3: HABITSNow we’re going to go the other way:
People who can hold themselves accountable are rare, and I have a solution for that below. BUT it’s better to commit and try than to leave that good habit alone for one more day. Buddha Mode Mandate 4: HEALTHIf there’s one thing you can change to positively impact your health right now it’s your diet. The Global Burden of Disease Study found that dietary risks were responsible for 1 in 5 deaths in 2017.⁵ To put it bluntly, if you’re not tracking your macronutrients you’re heading for trouble. Good news: it’s very simple to start. Here’s how:
Now, STICK TO YOUR PLAN LIKE GLUE. Don’t cheat. It will only make everything harder. You need to allow your body and your taste to adjust to your new meal plan. This is a matter of life or death. Oreos will f¥cking kill you. Buddha Mode Mandate 5: RELATIONSHIPSWithout a solid reason for doing all this it just won’t last. How many times have you tried these kinds of things with the best of intentions, only to fall off like every other failed Monk Moder? Here’s how to begin to tap into the infinite energy of compassion to fuel your growth (from my article **how to “freetire” yourself without leaving your sofa):
Your “why” doesn’t have to last forever. This is a common place for perfectionism to show up. Just find the best “why” you can find for now—and remember it whenever you feel like slacking on your other 4 Buddha Mode Mandates. You can always return later for further contemplation. In fact, I strongly recommend you do so as you grow. ~ So, there’s a small taste of what it’s like to be on the Buddha Mode Protocol. All the exercises above can go much, much deeper. And they’re only a fraction of the infinite selection of meditations, contemplations and processes I’ve prescribed for myself and my students over the years. I’ve been proving with my own increasing success—and that which I’ve enabled in my students—that we do not have to sacrifice our wellbeing to achieve our worldly goals. And no longer must we choose between spirituality or material success—we can have the best of both worlds if we know how to integrate them. You might be able to get pretty far creating your own program of self-improvement based on what you’ve read in this post. If you do, I want to hear about it—so please tell me about your results in an email or DM. (Find me on X or Instagram.) But if you want to get onto a guided, personalized, specific and sustainable Buddha Mode Protocol as quickly as possible—if you want to level up your mindset, body, spirit and finances as quickly as possible—good news: I’m launching the most affordable coaching service I’ve ever offered. Prior to this post, my most affordable coaching program was $1100 per month. But as of right now, you can start receiving personal guidance from me for as little as $299 per month. (And if you’re running a one-person creator business, you can add on coaching in writing, audience-building and monetization from $149 per month.) Email or DM “BUDDHA” to talk to me about your goals, make sure we can achieve them together, and get started today. With love from my desk, dg <3 ~ P.S. I’m running discounts for those who are ready to commit to 3, 6, or 12 months on the Buddha Mode Protocol. But all my prices will increase once the first wave of students are in (I can only handle so many). If Budda Mode sounds like it can help you, it can. But there’s no pressure. Just reply “BUDDHA” if you received this post in email, or DM me on X or Instagram to talk it over and make sure now’s the right time for you. ~ P.P.S If you've been waiting for an email a while, thanks for your patience! Not only is this one a monster that I just had to get out of me, but I also learned Webflow and built a brand new site in it since the last email I sent. It's at dangoldfield.com. I hope you like it! (Feel free to send feedback.) ~ SOURCES: ¹ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/modern-mentality/201812/why-new-years-resolutions-fail ² https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7366944/ ³ https://barbend.com/covid-19-american-gyms/ ⁴ https://www.ciphr.com/infographics/unpaid-overtime-statistics-2023 ⁵ https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(19)30041-8/fulltext |
the freetirement files
master your mind, monetize your knowledge. realize effortless wellbeing and create scalable income without leaving your couch. 1 actionable insight every saturday morning (in 15 minutes or less).
So you find it easier to be at peace in your free time. But then you go back to work, and it seems like everything there pushes you into stress or pulls you into anxiety. Your boss makes unreasonable demands, you feel obligated to comply. Your colleagues invite you to drinks, you feel pressure to fit in. Your clients overstep boundaries, you feel afraid to be firm. And inwardly, all of this feels very different to when you’re sitting at home in meditation. But it doesn’t have to… This...
I know you want to succeed in everything you do. And the way you’ve succeeded at everything else is to try harder, longer, or both. But that won’t work here. Because when you try, you’re saying “I have to MAKE peace happen.” You’re saying “I’m not good enough as I am.” You’re saying “Awakening is in the future.” The beginner can get away with these faulty assumptions, but you’re not a beginner any more. What you must recognize is that peace is your default mode; that who you really are is...
Read the (prettier) web version here. Only 7% of Americans take their new year’s resolutions all the way to December.¹ And that figure is from a survey, which means it’s probably generous (because most people will stretch the truth if they think it makes them look better). New year’s resolutions fail because they’re about forcing yourself to do something you don’t really want to do. But what if you could come around to actually wanting things that are good for yourself and others? It’s not as...